How to design your dream life… when you’re in the weeds.
"If you can dream it, you can achieve it." - Zig Ziglar
"Follow your dreams, they know the way." - Kobe Yamada
"Don't let your dreams just be dreams." - Jack Johnson
“But Kristin, what if I don’t know what I want? I am just surviving, I can’t even imagine what my dream life could be like.” (no one has ever said this to me, but I have felt this, had conversations with my close circle around this, and assume you’re sometimes in the weeds as much as I am.)
Lest the internet let you think that you just have to dream it to achieve it, I want to remind you that building your dream life takes some intentionality in your choices. Frequently, we make the decision to launch a business based on a fantastic idea. However, while the idea itself may be excellent, it could also result in creating a job that interferes with the life we envision for ourselves.
Getting clarity on what you want is a great first step, and honestly, something I like to repeat often, as I’m refining what I want on this journey. As I’m approaching another birthday, here’s how I’m doing this:
Start by identifying your values
Before you can determine what your dream life looks like, you need to understand what matters most to you. Take some time to reflect on your values and priorities, and consider what brings you the most joy and fulfillment in life. (I love this article from Psychology Today on how to determine your core values).
Once you have a clear understanding of your values, you can begin to build your dream life around them. For example, if family time is a top priority, you may need to adjust your work to allow for more quality time with your loved ones, instead of offering only services that require you to spend nights and weekends away from them. If you value location independence, you might look for work that you can do remotely, without having to meet your clients in person.
Maybe as importantly, deciding what are not your values is worth looking at. Especially if the ‘Gram is telling you that someone else’s dream life is better than yours.
As a photographer, I need to meet my clients in person, I cannot be 1000 miles from them and perform my job. As the owner of Coworking House, I need to be on-site almost daily (until I hire someone to do my in-person tasks for me). While location independence sounds lovely and amazing to me (and Instagram sure makes it look dreamy), at this point in my life, my kids are tethered to a school calendar 9 months a year, and my husband’s job is not remote. Therefore, location independence is not a top value for me right now.
Focus on work-life integration, not work-life balance
The concept of work-life balance can be difficult to achieve, especially for busy moms who are also entrepreneurs. I actually detest the word balance when it comes to work-life, because the assumption that I have to do just as much play as I do work, or vice versa, feels like MORE pressure, not less. If I have a big day of meetings that span 8 hours, I don’t need to balance that out with 8 hours of family time. (everyone just had that same exhausted shiver feeling, right?)
Instead of striving for balance, aim for integration - finding ways to seamlessly incorporate your work and personal life. This might mean creating a flexible work schedule that allows you to attend your child's school events or work from home when necessary. It may also mean outsourcing certain tasks or delegating responsibilities to others so that you can focus on what matters most.
I love to have phone calls and meetings while I’m walking. My kids frequently run errands for my business with me, and I’ve been known to have my laptop open on the soccer sideline more than once. I’d rather take my computer with me on vacation and get a little work done here and there, than have to pull late nights getting a ton of work done before and after that one week off.
Be intentional about your time and energy
To create your dream life, you'll need to be intentional about how you spend your time and energy. This means saying no to opportunities and commitments that don't align with your values and goals and prioritizing the things that truly matter to you. It also means setting boundaries around your work and personal life, and carving out time for self-care and rest.
This can look like turning down the dial on your social life in order to dedicate more time to a new business. Other times this can look like focusing on creating passive income products, versus a high-touch hands-on service that might sell at a higher price point. It might mean signing up for that marathon you’ve been eyeing or another personal challenge, or it might look like pushing that off for now.
Recently I’ve signed up for a Mom’s Adventure Club on Wednesday mornings, where I hike (or bike, paddle, etc) for an hour with other moms. What?! So cool, and yes, something that is definitely aligned with my dream life. I’m able to integrate that into my life by knowing I can make up that hour of work during my son’s lacrosse practice, which my husband loves to go to. Everything gets done, and I’m happier for it.
Remember, creating your dream life isn't about working harder - it's about working smarter and more intentionally. What do you want??
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Need some more help? Try this Guided Meditation to help you visualize! (Honestly, if you’re still super stuck, I love making a visual vision board on Pinterest, adding all of the things that look fun and aligned to me. I’ll spend a couple of days adding, reviewing my goals and core values, and then edit. This should be FUN!)